3 Things to Teach your Child Before the Age of Two
People often wait until their children are well into their teenage years or at least 7 or 8 to start teaching them how to do chores. This is a HUGE mistake. Your child will by that point have lots of memories of not doing these things and, it will be quite difficult to explain why they now have to. It will also be difficult for them to remember to do them when they have not been doing them for their whole lives.
Imagine if your spouse just decided one day that after everything you did he/she wanted you to turn around three times and say "happy birthday". It wouldn't make sense to you and even if you agreed you'd have a difficult time remembering to do it because it is not in your routine. That's what it is like for children.
The trick is to teach them the basic versions of the skills we want them to have as adults and to start doing it before the age of two.
Why so young? You ask. Well, because before that age they have no memories and they also WANT to help you because they want to be with you all the time and love imitating what others are doing. Before two is the perfect age to teach your children habits that will serve them throughout their whole lives.
WHAT TO TEACH
#1 - How to clean up after themselves. This seems like it makes sense because we've all sung the clean up, clean up song with our kids in an effort to make them pick up their toys. However, there is a better way. The key is to teach your kids to pick up specific things and to demonstrate this by example! My 18 month old son cleans up his tray after eating, wipes up messes, and throws his disposable diapers away. I got him to do these things by demonstrating and making it part of his routine. So every time after he eats I give him a sponge and he wipes down his tray. Then he turns on the water and rinses it off. Then turns the water off. It's short, easy and we do it , EVERY TIME. The same with cleaning up messes and throwing away diapers.
Repetition is important. It's also helpful to make it fun for your child. Go with them, make them laugh, make it something you do together. The more you do this the more they will do it by themselves. Also, try not to get frustrated when your child does not remember on their own. Keep in mind they are still little and most likely will not remember on their own for a long time. Just make it part of what you do and your child will most likely gleefully follow along. be consistent and model this in your own life. If you are asking them to clean up their plates then you should too.
( I know this is blurry but, my sweet little angel would not stand still for
the picture because he liked sweeping too much! LOL)
#2 - How to set their own limits. With the obvious exception of extremely dangerous things like playing with outlets, running in the street, etc. When possible, we need to let our children explore their environment and decide what is safe or unsafe for themselves. We need to not restrict our kids just because things are annoying to us. For example, if it's frustrating to you that your son or daughter likes climb trees then maybe try letting them. They will not learn how to set their own limits if we don't let them. What's the worst that happens if your child falls out of a tree? They break an arm. Yes, that would be tough. No we don't want our kids to be in pain but chances are they won't fall out of a tree and break their arms. They will probably be just fine. Plus if you don't let your child set these more minor limits how will they learn to set limits for more important things later in life.
#3 - It is okay to say no. This is hard because we want them to say yes to us. Yes, I'll clean my room. Yes, l'll put the dishes away. Yes, I've done my homework. But, we do not teach them that they can say no and it will be respected then they will have a very hard time setting boundaries in relationships which can be dangerous as they get older. This leads into boundaries in intimate relationships, saying no to drugs, as well as things like being overly committed, and being a workaholic. The younger we teach this the more we empower our children to believe in themselves and to take themselves seriously. This gives them power. It gives them something that they know they can rely on to be taken seriously, which for a lot of toddlers and younger children this is important. They want to feel in control and if giving them the choice to say no when they're uncomfortable is what helps them feel respected then we should give them that choice.
They will not always have the option of no because sometimes we don't have the time or it's not the place for another option but, the more choices that are regularly given, the easier it will be. If you allow your child to say no or stop when you tickle them and you respect that your child will feel safe with you. If you continually disregard how they feel by doing things like forcing them to give hugs, say sorry, or be held by someone they don't like they will live a much more anxious and stressed life than if you let your child lead you by what they are comfortable with.
All of these are easier and work better the younger your child is. They learn that they are responsible for themselves, their messes and their choices. They also learn to respect others sense of self and comfort levels. There is not greater gift you can give your child then to give them the skills to be a successful human being.
Blessings!
Kelsie