The Best Way To Build Your Child's Trust

There are a lot of things we can do as parents to nurture our children, build trust, and grow them into successful adults. There are also a lot of things we do that make these more difficult. From watching many people parent in many different styles, there is one main thing that I have seen as a difference that causes children to have different behaviors. (I'm sure there are a lot more but this is one I've consistently observed.)

Explain things to your children.

Not to say that everything you do, you should be getting into the science behind it or the deep logic and step by step processes. But, especially when disciplining children, laying down ground rules, or setting any sort of boundaries, you should be able to tell your children why. If you cannot think of a good reason why, then they will be hard pressed to feel any particular inclination to agree with it or do it.

So, when your child decides that they refuse to put on a jacket when going outside despite the 30 degree weather, you can tell them that they will get too cold and get sick. You don't need a long drawn out explanation. Although if you are the kind of person who can go into the effects of temperature on the bodily systems then go for it. However, most of us can stick to "you will catch a cold".

It is a small thing but, it builds immense trust that you have a reason for what you say.

There will be times when you may not have the time or it might not be appropriate for you to explain but if you have made a habit of explaining than your children will be much more likely to trust you.

Here is an example of what I like the call the trusty co-worker:

Imagine if your co-worker was constantly asking you to cover their shifts and just asked you to trust them. Quite quickly you would become frustrated and not want to cover their shifts. Now imagine your co-worker came to you and told you that her child was diagnosed with cancer and asked you to cover so she could take him to receive treatment. You would be much more likely to trust her because she was honest with you and explained to you why it mattered.

How and Why This Works:

This is basically how it works with your children. They desire to understand and, if you want to raise self-sufficient children then it is vital that you give them the reasons why you ask them to do or not do things. They need to develop their own senses of right and wrong and they will never be able to do that if they don't understand the logic behind what you ask.

They will never be able to develop the ability to say no or maybe not that way or not right now, if you do not explain it to them. They will also develop a dependency on you to be their reasoning instead of thinking through things. These are not things you want if your children are to be successful.

This will also develop patience in you. Trust me. You will develop a lot of patience by practicing this because it requires you to teach your children in the most frustrating moments when you just want to yell at them to do it.

The plus side of this is you are also teaching your children how to be calm and rational when tensions are high. Yet another desirable trait. Teaching them to think through things, to remain calm, to decide the best decision and not just rush into things because of how they feel.

Your kids may also be more likely to do things without a fight when they have a reason (obviously not always). If it makes sense to your child then they won't necessarily feel the need to fight it just for the sake of fighting it. So, there are a lot of good things that happen when you treat your child like an adult.

The long and short of it is this: Your child is his or her own person. Your child will one day be an adult and, your child deserves respect. This is hard because we do know better than our kids much of the time but, we must always remember that our kids are their own people.

THEY ARE THEIR OWN PEOPLE. And they deserve the respect of being treated like their own people. That is a lot of the power of this method. Your child learns many skills as well as learns how to be respected and how to respect others. This will go a long way in their life and it touches every part of them.

I hope this helps you understand how this works as well as the value of explaining things to your kids and the benefits it will have on your life as well as theirs.

Blessings!

Kelsie